He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize