She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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