Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
