like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
