she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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