Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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