guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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