this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
