It's just like the Real World with babies
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
