I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
