I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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