I like my sex mixed with concussions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
