Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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