the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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