i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
