Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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