Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
