Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
