found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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