You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize