she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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