Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
