If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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