Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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