3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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