Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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