Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
