new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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