i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
