Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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