I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
