I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
