How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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