She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
