He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize