went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
