He disabled his match.com account in front of me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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