i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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