Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
