I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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