It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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