After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
