alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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