Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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