i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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