I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
