We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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