For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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