So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
