Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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