I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
