I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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