It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just had sex bonerless
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
