i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
