I have demons in me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
