yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
