He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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