8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
