Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
